Get out your glitter, cardboard and ribbon, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I don’t know about you but this year VD NINJAED itself out of nowhere. Wasn’t Christmas like last week? If you’re anything like me you’re probably scrambling to come up with a treat to give your sweetie to show them that you care. Here are my suggestions on how to make it look like you totally didn’t forget that Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.
Relationship Status: Married or Long Term Relationship
Okay here’s how to wow your partner. If you have kids send them off to grandma’s house. Step one, clean up your bedroom. Shove all the dirty laundry in the closet. Put clean sheets and bedding on the bed. Now for the outfit. Nudity is the end goal, but don’t start out that way. I suggest a Venus&Mars waist cincher, a garter belt, and some pretty panties. You can wear an outfit over top and go to dinner without your partner knowing that you have a sexy adventure waiting for them. Then when you get home, do a little strip tease and reveal the awesome that you have on underneath and I’ll let you take it from there.
Okay so you are probably still looking at your pumpkin with rose coloured glasses. There’s a good chance you haven’t even heard them fart yet. You might be tempted to go for flowers or chocolates but that’s just so generic. Why not get them a cloak instead? Nothing makes you feel more badass and mysterious than wearing a cloak. Cloaks are great gifts: there’s a good chance your partner doesn’t have already, they always fit, and you can pretty much guarantee that you’ll always be remembered as ‘the one who gave me a cloak’ even if the relationship doesn’t work out.
Relationship Status: Single with someone in mind
Valentine’s Day can be difficult when you’re single. It’s even harder when you single but you have a crush from afar. It might be tempting to get your love interest a little something but I think your money is better spent getting yourself an outfit that you feel sexy and confident in. The object of your desire might notice you, but if they don’t you have a new kickass outfit to console yourself with. May I suggest a crinoline with a corset and a pair of sleeves for maximum noticeability?
Relationship Status: Single and hate Valentines
Alright, time to watch horror movies. If you want to get yourself a little treat (I mean aside from all the chocolate you’ll be buying at a discount price of February 15th) may I suggest a pair of stompy boots? Stomp the fat cat capitalist holiday in a pair of 5 inch platform boots. They’re stylish and practical.
How will you be celebrating Valentines this year? Let us know in the comments below.
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